Lessons From Special Needs Parenting
Pause. Breathe. And Repeat.
Pause. Breathe. Repeat. I feel like this is my never-ending mantra to myself right now...
This is because I am mom to a little boy with autism who struggles to stay ‘on task’ with anything that doesn’t totally capture his interest or imagination, and who cannot be rushed for anyone or anything that isn’t on his agenda.
At times this can be quite trying, especially when you’re trying to get somewhere important on time, and it also just tends to rub up with the very worst of my task-focused, achievement orientated, ‘just get it done’ Enneagram 3 self too!
But there’s two main practices have been really helping us navigate this space better together as a family recently:
1. Slow down
Lately, we’ve been trying to allow more time and space in our schedule for Ben’s distracted nature by allowing for longer between each task, lowering our expectations for what can be achieved a little bit, and simply planning less into a day.
Life with Ben is a constant lesson in holding the schedule loosely, being more present in the moment, and not being such a slave to the need for efficiency...
But do you know what? This slower, simpler pace is doing wonders for us all by taking away a good degree of the self-imposed stress we were living under before. It only makes me wonder why we didn’t do this sooner…
You may not have a child with autism but I bet you have other sources of frustration in your life, where things aren’t progressing with the smoothness or pace that you’d like either.
But I wonder whether wrapped just inside the frustration there’s also a gift; a divine invitation to slow your pace down too...?
2. Pause & Breathe
When we hit on moments of frustration due to miscommunication or missed expectations with Ben, we are also all learning to pause and take a few deep breaths.
Sounds simple, and I know its something that people say all the time. But have you actually tried it properly?
Pause. Breathe. Repeat.
We’ve been using this ‘deep breaths’ exercise a lot lately with my son to help calm him down when he feels angry or overwhelmed, and it seems to be working quite well.
The pause is a moment which allows those familiar neuro-pathways that our brain always reaches for fast in moments of stress to be slowed down, and that interruption can give space for our reactions to become a little more considered…
The breaths help him calm down and get back into the more rational part of brain, so that we can then help him to understand or experience things from a different perspective.
But something I’ve come to realise is that the deep breaths aren’t just for him.
They are also for me too. They help me to re-centre, slow down my reactions, and find my inner strength to deal with things more patiently too.
Lessons for life
Slowing down, and breathing are two simple practises that are revolutionising our family life right now.
But it strikes me that you don’t have to be an autism mum, or even a parent at all, to see the wisdom in practising these techniques.
Slow down your pace of life a little.
Lower your expectations for how much you can do in a day.
Draw some deep breaths & pause before you react.
Isn’t this an approach we could all benefit from in our conversations and interactions with others?
If your time feels rushed, or your interactions with others feel strained, more often than you’d like, then why not just give it a try?
