Why I’m Quitting Resolutions
New year, new start?
The new year is finally here! Who can believe it?!
The past year was certainly a mixed bag for many of us, full of frustrations, restrictions, and continued cancelled plans.
And even without the continued disruptions caused by Covid19, it’s been chaotic; political tensions, racial tensions, climate crisis, disagreements over vaccines, economic struggle and more.
For me, it was also a year of some personal disappointments; family cancers, failed fertility battles, dead ends with pursuing adoption, launching my first book (but during a lockdown), relational breakdowns, cancelled house renovations, and more…
In many ways, it was a year in which I felt a bit ‘stuck’. So I’m finishing up this December feeling a bit tired, disillusioned, and with lower expectations for the future than I’ve probably had before.
But of course there were some glimpses of goodness in it too. And so regardless of how you feel about the past 12 months – good, bad or indifferent – the closing of a year is still a chance to pause and catch your breath, to reflect on what you want to carry forwards from last year, and what you want to leave behind.
Rejecting resolutions
The astute reader will have already deduced from the title of this blog that I am not really a big fan of new year’s resolutions. They always feel too restrictive to me, and I just never really have the stick-ability to see any of them through.
Cue flashbacks to a few of my various, woeful past attempts:
Running daily? Trainers are still in the box at the bottom of my wardrobe.
Gym memberships? I got pregnant shortly after I signed up, and never went back.
Dry January? Let’s just say I’ve failed on every attempt. Why are there so many people with birthdays in January anyway?
Healthier eating? I have more unused cookery books on my kitchen shelves than I know what to do with.
I could go on… but I’m sure you get the gist!
New Year’s resolutions are simply not for me. It all just feels too much like setting myself up to fail. And let’s face it, nobody really wants to start the new year failing hard and fast…
Starting slowly
Maybe the whole ‘new start, new you’ ethos sounds like a bit of a tall order this year for you too?
And maybe if you’re being totally honest, it feels a bit more like ‘new year, same old situation’?
This past year has been hard for many of us in different ways, and maybe pandemic life has left us too tired and too disappointed for any more pulling ourselves up by the boot straps.
But what if that’s actually a good thing?
What if coming to the end of ourselves is actually the strongest position to start a new year with, because where our ability ends is where God’s grace can begin?
And what if the very best place to start the new year from is actually not a place of striving or more self effort but of stillness & rest?
Just like God promised his people all those years ago in Exodus, “The Lord himself will fight for you; you need only to be still” - maybe that invitation is still open to us, who are struggling on forwards into another new year, today.
Choosing a word for the year
So this January, even though I am still in search of that much needed fresh start, I am boycotting all new year’s resolutions, self help plans or goals.
Instead, I have decided to begin this year gently, with some stillness, silence, reading and reflection.
And I also want to focus on strengthening certain values in my life, which I think can shape my life in a far meaningful and lasting kind of way than any goal setting or targets can.
So the question I am posing to myself (and to others) this New Year is simply this:
What value do I most want to shape my life in this coming year?
And can I distill it down into a single word or phrase?
Personally, I have already decided that my word for the year is ‘Community’ because I want that value to be more present in my life during this coming year.
Not only has it been sorely lacking in the past couple of years due to the pandemic, and various communities I’ve known in the past crumbling away, but it’s also something I feel myself craving and needing more than ever.
What about you?
So what about you? What do you want to shape your coming year? Go ahead, have a think about it. Pause, and reflect on it for a while…
Then once you have identified your simple but year-defining word, write it down and just sit with for a while. Think about it in all of its different forms of expression.
How might it look played out in different parts of your life? How might more awareness of that value affect you at work, at home, in how you spend your money or invest your time, in how you think about yourself, and in how you choose to relate to others as well?
And as the new year begins, start to consider how you can start practising that value more in your everyday life. Some ideas to get you started could include:
Start talking about it more in conversation with family/friends.
Look out for books and articles on the subject
Seek out time with others who already seem to excel in living out this value.
I realise that this is not a total panacea for everything that you might want to change or improve in your life – but to me, it does feel much more achievable than setting new year’s resolutions or goals. Because with this idea there is no success/failure – only endless opportunities to cultivate more of a positive value in your life. And what’s not to love about that?
So finishing on that thought, all that remains for me to wish you a very happy and resolution-free new year!
