On (Over) Busyness
Trying to quit being busy
How many of us have bought into the lie that the more you can possibly cram into each day, the more meaningful it will be?
Even in this present season which has meant some enforced slowing and pausing in many areas of life, how many of us are actually maximising the opportunities that it offers?
I know that for me and my family, many of our best laid plans and good intentions during early lockdown have slowly come undone too…
At the beginning of the pandemic back in spring when the weather was good, and the whole summer lay ahead of us with great promise, I dreamed of family bike rides, and daily runs to get fit, and socially distanced street BBQs, and teaching myself guitar, and daily personal prayer & reflection, and space to write and read 101 different books.
And okay, I have done a bit those things. But not nearly as much as I had hoped. Instead, before long my boredom, disillusionment, frustration, loneliness, house chores, my continuing work load (albeit working from home), and yes… a lot of Netflix consumption too… had swallowed up most of my time and motivation!
So here I am, wondering how it can be that I have achieved so little of those things so far. I mean, if ever there was a good year to step off the treadmill for a while and develop a slower and more soulful way of life - surely 2020 has been it?
It turns out that quitting the addiction to busyness in our lives is not that easy! Even when ‘life as we previously knew it’ gets cut right back.
Busyness is not spiritual
The truth is that busyness has become such a social norm for most of us, that we barely even pause to question why our lives are so full.
Some of us can even fool ourselves into thinking that busyness is the more spiritual option than resting too, because we are being good stewards of our time, and making the most of all our days.
But busyness is not a spiritual gift. Quite the opposite, in fact.
When busyness finds us constantly running from one thing onto the next, like human robots, trying to keep up with everyone and everything, it leaves us over-worked, over-stretched, over-stressed, and yet spiritually under-nourished.
Deep down I think we all know that busyness isn’t very good for us, and that it isn’t making us any more productive, or creative, or compassionate, or happy, or fulfilled.
Busyness is absolutely a spiritual problem because it prevents us from really connecting properly with God. When we’re too busy and hurried, often we forget to pray and live without any real awareness of God’s presence with us during our days.
Busyness also holds us back from close connection with others around us too. When we’re too busy, often we just skim along the social surface of conversations and go through the motions with others, but fail to really engage, to take the time to listen, or to care.
And perhaps worst of all, busyness even prevents us from properly connecting with ourselves. When we’re too busy, we tend not to make time for proper self-reflection, for processing our thoughts and feelings, and fail to grow as a result.
Have you ever found yourself snapping at someone over something really small and insignificant – and then thinking afterwards, ‘What is wrong with me? Why did I do that?’
Maybe it’s because we’re so frantic and frazzled from running from A to B for so long, that we haven’t given ourselves any time to reflect on or process our emotions – and then eventually they just spill out at the wrong time, and often at the wrong person.
Why are we all so busy?
Don’t you think that when these words from Jeremiah 2:25 were recorded in the Bible thousands of years ago, it could actually have been written for our culture today?
“Do not run until your feet are bare and your throat is dry. But you said, ‘It’s no use! I love foreign gods, and I must go after them.”
(Jeremiah 2:25)
But even though many of us know we’re running too fast and working too hard, we won’t or can’t, or don’t know how to… really slow down.
Have you ever even really paused and asked yourself the question, ‘Why am I so busy? And what exactly am I working myself so hard for?’
It’s a difficult thing to consider because it requires some brutal honesty, and the answers may not always be comfortable to sit with when we realise our motivations.
Misplaced priorities
If I’m totally honest, one of my biggest regrets in life will always be not putting growing my family before my career and finances.
When we got married, we had our first son quite quickly but things were financially tight. I was on mat leave, and my husband was just starting his new business. So we chose to wait until we were a bit more financially stable before having a second child.
All of our intentions in this were good too; we wanted to provide a good environment to raise a family in, and to achieve greater flexibility in our working lives so that we could be around for our kids. But in the end, I was 37 by the time we got pregnant again, and then I miscarried… and we have been unable to have another healthy pregnancy since.
Now, I’m not saying that if we’d tried sooner, the outcome would have been any different. We simply don’t know that because my first pregnancy with our son Ben involved complications as well, but it will always be a small question mark for me.
Would starting sooner have changed things or not? Did I put career before marriage, and financial stability before family? Is it my own fault that I have a beautiful family home, but not the family I had hoped to fill it with?
I think that perhaps the greatest lie that our generation has been sold is that you can do it all, and have it all, all of the time!
Digital distraction
And even though most of us have had our social lives and many other commitments stripped right back this last year, how is it that some of us STILL feel so time poor?
I wonder how much of our over-busyness is actually due to our lack of discipline with technology, and our inability to focus on and prioritise what matters to us most?
Did you know that the average American spends spends 705 hours on social media each year, and touches their smart phone 2,617 times every day?
And we also spend, on average, an incredible 2737.5 hours of each year watching TV!
Still, another study has shown that the average male will have spent 10,000 hours playing video games by the time they turn 21 years of age. As a mother of a young boy, I find this statistic particularly scary! I mean, that’s enough hours to master and become expert in almost any skill!
But exactly how much time do I personally spend watching tv each week? Or surfing websites, or scrolling through social media on my phone? To be honest, I can’t even be sure of the exact answer for myself since most of it happens in such small and regular increments throughout the day, which I hardly even notice.
There is enough time!
The stark and simple truth laid bare in all of the many stats and studies on our consumption of info-tainment is this: I do have enough time. We all do. It’s just that our digital age has made us masters at wasting it.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”
(Ecclesiastes 3:1)
The truth is that most of us have a lot of years to live on this earth. The UK’s average life expectancy is living to about 81 and a half. That’s approximately 29,747 days!
Your time on this earth may not be infinite or unlimited, but you still have a lot of time to spend here. And you get to choose how you invest your days.
Being careful with our time
“Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise - making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
(Ephesians 5:15-17)
There’s so much self-help advice around these days, and the temptation is often to take on more because we think it will lead to better balance in our lives; more exercise, more healthy eating, more reading, more good works, more social time with friends… and on... and on.
But this passage is not an invitation to an ever more crammed-full, stressed out, and hurried way of living.
It’s a call to slow down and to live in a much more considered and intentional way.
It’s about doing the right things; rather than doing more things.
Making the most of every opportunity also speaks to me of living with intention, not wasting or flitting my time away on things that don’t matter, or endless entertainment that masks as pseudo-rest but often really just claws away at my energy and motivation.
So maybe the real question we should be asking ourselves is not ‘How can I stretch my time further?’ but rather ‘How well am I using the time that I’ve been given?’
Practising pausing
But when we’re bombarded with so many different opinions, options and ideas for how our lives should look, how do we even know what to prioritise and what is really important?
Sometimes I wonder if we just need to step back from it all and be still for a while ‘… to be still, and know that He is God’ as Psalm 46:10 phrases it.
To be still and remind yourself that you don’t have to continually strive and overstretch yourself.
To be still and remember that most of the stuff you are running around being busy for, doesn’t really mean that much.
To be still to remember that He is bigger than your best efforts and that you are so loved, exactly as you are - without doing anything at all.
To be still and remember what really matters.
To be still and hear his voice.
To be still and know that He is God.
Don’t we all need this kind of holy pause sometimes?
5 tips for eradicating busyness
So how do we put any of this into practice? This list is far from exhaustive, but here’s a few ideas inspired by Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:
1. Pause & reflect – ‘understand what the Lord’s will is’
Does the way you are spending your time match up with what you know that God wants for your life?Maybe you aren’t even sure what God’s will for your life right now is. If so, why not start by asking Him to show you? Maybe it’s been a while since you did.
You might also want to start by taking some time to pause, reflect on what matters most to you. What are your values? How are you wired? What issues are close to your heart? And what are you doing when do you feel most alive? These type of questions usually provide some good clues too.
2. Focus & prioritise – ‘make the most of every opportunity’
If you tend to feel over-extended or spread too thinly, chances are that it’s time to prioritise your time better. Does the way you spend your time really reflect your priorities? And if not, where could you make some changes?
You could start by taking an inventory to see where most of your time is going. How much of it is non-negotiable like childcare, and how much of it is time-wasting activities like TV? Maybe like me, you need some help even just remembering what you’ve done so far this week - if so, start by checking out your personal diary or family calendar!
3. Let some stuff slide – ‘be careful how you live’
Don’t be tempted to just squeeze in even more activity once you have identified what matters most, because it’s the surest route to burnout. Instead, decide to really focus in on one or maybe two key priorities for this season.
And be aware that in order to do this, you might also need to be willing to lay some other stuff down – at least for a season. So ask yourself – which activities and commitments really need to stay? Then don’t be scared to let some of the unimportant stuff slide for a while…
4. Don’t be side-tracked or distracted - ‘don’t be foolish’
It’s so easy to start with good intentions like I did at the start of the pandemic, but then to quickly end up distracted by the un-important things, and before you know it you’ve spread yourself too thinly again…
So try to get a bit more disciplined with your time. Safe guard time for your priorities and form habits that will help you to succeed. For example, if you want to begin writing a book, start by scheduling an hour of writing every day. Think you don’t have that spare head space or time ? I bet you do when you really look for it.
So don’t be foolish. Don’t waste your life away on things that don’t really matter like social media or yet another TV show.
5. Be accountable
Finally – and perhaps most crucial of all to success – I recommend that you tell someone else about any life reordering decisions you plan to make. Or maybe even a few different people different. This could be your spouse if you have one (since they tend to see real close up to your life!), or your kids or close friends, but it doesn’t really matter who, so long as they are close enough to you to be able to hold you to account. Give them permission to challenge you when they see you veering off course and getting distracted or over-busy again.