It’s Time: On Starting School

How did we get here so fast?

September 2019 is the month that my baby boy starts school. I mean, where did the past four years of preschool go? Did we accidentally lose a year or two somewhere along the way ? Because I’m simply not ready for him to be this old just yet!!

A lot of days lately, part of me just wants to scream out, ‘Someone press the pause button. Life is moving too fast…’

But then, in other moments, I look at my boy playing with his friends or excitedly trying on his uniform, and I remember that yes, he is absolutely ready. Our boy is growing up and growing in independence, and it is time.

I know it is time for him, of course it is. But it still feels a little bit weird for me, because suddenly we are over the baby and preschool years, and it’s all just passed by much faster than I ever planned for or expected it to…

You see I always expected to have baby number two and maybe even number three to follow after him, but several years of recurrent miscarriages and unexpected secondary infertility mean that things just haven’t happened that way.

And so here I am, wrestling with it all in my heart and swinging back and forth between being excited for this new stage of parenting, but also wanting to hold onto where we were before.

The days move slowly, but the years go fast

Someone recently said to me that when it comes to parenting, the days move slowly but the years go by fast. And I think that it’s really true. Because when you’re nursing or weaning or potty training or sleep deprived, it feels like Groundhog Day. It seem like an endless monotony. Every day, you do the same things, over and over again.

And at times, when my son Ben was tiny, it felt like that baby stage would never end. But even when time feels like it’s standing still, it continues to keep ticking by… and then suddenly that stage is gone.

One minute your knee deep in nappies, and the next you’re dropping your independent little person at the gates for their first day of school.

What parenting is about

I have to keep reminding myself that all of this change is good and right, and this is actually what being a parent is really all about.

The truth is we don’t own our children, and they are not our possessions to keep forever either - even though when they’re babies sometimes it feels this way for a while.

But really they’re just on long-term loan to us from god and we simply have to love them hard, invest in them fiercely, and then release them into the world.

Sometimes I feel like protesting how hard it all is, ‘Because, er wait a minute, I didn’t sign up for this.’ But of course I did. In fact, it’s exactly what I signed up to, just as all parents do. Having a baby isn’t just about having a baby, but also learning to raise a child too.

And this is important, holy work too, as the author Proverbs reminds us here:

“Train a child up in the way they should go; and even when they are old, they will not depart from it.”

(Proverbs 22: 6)

And I know, I know, my four year old is only starting his reception year at school. It’s hardly as if I’m becoming an empty nester anytime soon. But it’s still the beginning stages of learning to let them go, and there’s a few lessons I’m learning as I do.

My 5 best parenting tips

So here’s my five best parenting tips for coping with these constant transitions in parenting, which I am learning on the job as we speak.

1. Be as present as possible.

Resist the urge to always be mentally three steps ahead, wishing they would just sleep, or walk or talk or whatever… as tempting as it can be. And don’t be constantly on your phone to relieve the boredom either. Your biggest task is to love the child in front of you as best as you possibly can today.

2. Get used to change

The truth is that change can sometimes be hard on our hearts, but it’s an un-negotiable part of the deal. In fact, change is really the only constant to be found in parenting. So always try to be flexible, be ready to pivot, be open-handed, and stay open to change.

3. Pray lots

Pray lots for your child often; daily if possible. As parents we invest so much time into our child’s present and future needs by providing things like food, clothing, education and discipline, but prayer is really the only way that we can invest into them eternally.

4. Seek wisdom

Parenting takes wisdom. How do you handle all those little conflicts as well as the big challenges that emerge, without feeling overwhelmed? Bring God right into those crazy moments and ask for his wisdom – even as they happen.

5. Give yourself grace

It can be hard letting go or adapting to changes, so if you’re finding it hard emotionally, be kind to yourself. And be prepared to apply lots of extra grace – for yourself and for your child as well, as you get used to navigating the latest ‘new thing’ together.

Transitional seasons

Are you a parent struggling with coming to terms with a new transitional stage of life after summer? Whether it’s a preschooler starting school, a middle schooler moving up to high school, or an older child heading to university or college and flying the family nest - I pray that you would simply know that it is time.

It is time. You can trust that all you have sown into your child up until this point, will reap a harvest in the next one.

You have loved them, you have prayed for them, you have trained them up, you have poured your life into theirs … and so you can trust that they are ready.