Anna Kettle

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Surviving Pregnancy After Loss

Facing your fear

Pregnancy after loss and/or a long period of infertility can be a terrifying experience for moms-to-be.

The problem is that it’s no longer a fear you can rationalise away. It’s rooted in fact. You could lose this pregnancy, because it’s happened before. Perhaps more than once…

So how do you cope with that kind of anxiety? In my last pregnancy I just tried to keep myself busy, to stay mentally distracted and to not overthink it all. I tried to focus on healthy eating and being positive and I tried to turn all of my worries into prayers.

But even so, every small twinge or sensation I felt in my stomach left me breathless. And every visit to the bathroom was cloaked in silent fear. Every scan and pre-natal appointment was a heart stopping affair. Could this be the moment when it all goes wrong again?

Sadly, after pregnancy loss that fear of history repeating is just always there.

Medical reminders

The other difficulty in managing anxiety in pregnancy after recurrent losses is that it’s a very medicalised affair because the pregnancy is deemed ‘high risk’.

I have had to take each of the following:

  • Progesterone pessaries x2 daily

  • Low dose aspirin x 1 daily

  • High dose folic acid x 1 daily

  • Omega 3 fish oil x 1 daily

  • Pregnancy multi vitamins x 1 daily

  • Heparin injections x 1 daily (did I mention that I am really not good with needles…?)

  • Regular early scans (transvaginal) throughout the first trimester

So whilst it’s all good and well to say ‘just try to relax’ it’s easier said then done when there’s always another drug or injection to remind you of how delicate the situation is.

Avoidance doesn’t work

In my last pregnancy, the worry was almost unbearable at times, so I decided to just avoid thinking (or even praying) about it as much as I could. I just kept willing my way through the days.

If anyone asked how I was doing, my response would always be, ‘I’m fine. Just getting on with it all, and trying not to worry too much’.

I cut a pretty convincing performance for a time too. Or so I thought. But my husband tells a different story… I was irritable, snappy, short on patience, highly strung, and generally a bit on edge during those terrifying weeks.

The truth is that ignoring or avoiding our fear simply doesn’t work. It doesn’t disappear simply because we act like it’s not there. And you can’t will your worry away. It just tends to come out sideways instead.

6 tips for surviving pregnancy after loss

So here’s six tips for surviving (and maybe even thriving!) in pregnancy after loss, which I’ve learned through personal trial and error !

1.Practice gentle yoga

After loss, the temptation in pregnancy is to want to cocoon and do nothing at all for risk of injury, but gentle physical activity is good for your both your physical and mental health - and yoga is a great tension reliver too. So stretch out your stress on the mat! Yoga with Adriel on You Tube is free and one of my favourites.

2. Breathing & relaxation

I am not someone who finds mindfulness and relaxation easy because I’m such a doer and I struggle to sit still, but it really does help to reduce stress and anxiety. There’s tons of great meditation and relaxation apps available to download for free online. If you’re looking for a couple to try out, start with Insight Timer, Headspace or Mind the Bump.

3. Journal your feelings

I am such a huge fan of writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal at the end of the day. It’s a great way to take a check on your emotional health, and to offload anything you need to. If you have a faith, you could pray about them too. It’s a really great way to clear anxiety before you try to sleep.

4. Stay present

I know this is a hard thing when you don’t want to become too attached to a pregnancy you’re scared of losing, but try to practice gratitude for it. Remember that each day you get to spend carrying your baby is a gift, so try to enjoy the experience of being pregnant too as much as you can.  Try to stay in the present moment, and not rush ahead to what might be tomorrow. That I didn’t do this is one of my biggest regrets from my last pregnancy, even though it ended in loss. I may never get that experience or time being pregnancy again.

5. Tell people

I don’t necessarily mean that you should make a public announcement to the whole world on Facebook, but I do recommend telling a few close family members and trusted friends. Pregnancy after loss is just too big a load to carry alone as a couple, so share your news early and ask them to pray!

6. Keep in touch with your medical team

If you have any niggling concerns or worries, make sure you talk to the team providing your care about it. Don’t put it off, or think that you’re wasting their time. They may have some helpful advice to offer, or be able to reassure you and help put your mind at rest.

I hope these are a few helpful pointers, but if you have any other ideas I am all ears and would love to hear them - so do comment below or get in touch with me to let me know!

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