A love/hate relationship

Valentine’s Day is kind of a weird social phenomenon, don’t you think? And one that many of us have a love/hate relationship with…

When I was single, I tended to live in quiet dread of this stupid calendar date, and the way that it could so easily make me feel a little bit small or ‘less than’ others, simply because of my relationship status.

But I’ve since discovered that even if you’re dating, or married as I am now, it doesn’t always feel much better.

Chances are you probably either feel a bit weird about having to spend money on a cheesey romantic gesture like chocolates or a card, or you run the risk of forgetting the date altogether and then upsetting your other half.

And is it really so unreasonable to wonder what heart-shaped chocolates, flowers, cards, cute teddies, or even expensive candlelit meals, really have to do with the true nature of love anyway? Isn’t it all just a commercial invention at the core?

Grand gestures vs small, every day choices

But what if, instead of just being about grand romantic gestures, this Valentine’s Day could actually be about recommitting to make those small, everyday choices to love one another well?

What if we used it as a reminder to really seek to love one another in that 1 Corinthians 13 kind of way?

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy or boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’

(1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

So today, why not join with me in asking yourself, are these qualities of love becoming more evident in my life as the years go by?

Am I growing more patient and kind in how I treat my nearest and dearest?

Am I becoming less envious, proud and selfish? 

Am I getting better at honouring others with my words?

And am I becoming slower to anger, and quicker to forgive?

Because it’s these things that are the truest measure of how well and how deeply we love.

And this isn’t just for couples either; it’s a useful point of self-reflection for anyone to consider - whether single, dating or married.

How well are we loving our family members, work colleagues, neighbours, or friends?

Learning to live in love

The truth is that’s it’s a huge challenge to learn to live from this place of love, moment by moment and day by day. Especially in these current times we live in, when most of our energy seems to be caught up in just coping with every day life.

Preferring other people’s needs to our own just doesn’t come very naturally for most of us, most of the time – and so we really need His help.

The Bible says that God is love, and anyone who lives in Him lives in love (I John 4:16). And that doesn’t mean ‘must do better’ or ‘must try harder’ to be more loving, although I’ll admit that at times relationships can take some real work in order to thrive.

But the fact is that I am always a much better, kinder, more loving version of myself when I choose to regularly ‘abide’ or spend time in God’s presence

The word ‘abiding’ is really just a slightly old-fashioned way of saying, ‘making your home in’ something. For example, I physically abide in my house in Liverpool; that is where I have chosen to put down roots and to make my family home. But spiritually speaking, as a christian I am called to make my home in God too.

And this living ‘in Him’ simply means living with a greater awareness of His presence with us, surrounding and filling us. Which is really just another way of say, living in a greater awareness of love. Because He is love.

Living in His love changes everything. And not just on ‘special’ days like Valentine’s Day either; but in all of those small and ordinary moments, every single day.

So this Valentine’s Day, may you know how loved you are, may you experience living in love, and may you find it living in Him.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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